Not Sure

I'm not quite sure what i beleive anymore. It's just way too hard to say. So many different things going on in my head. I'm told so many different theories, but when it comes down to it, how the fuck do I know that what their saying is the real deal.

My whole life I've been around the influence of people that have a strong beleif in christianity. It seems like a good thing. People with good morals that have found their reason to conduct themselves in a certain way. It's not a bad beleif. Beyond the crazy assholes that try a force their veiws on the rest of the population, I have no problem with christian beleifs.

I went through a whole hardcore beleif thing. In a certain time in my life, it just really felt right. Everything seemed to fit together, and the people i was surrounded by felt the same way. When i was baptized, i truly felt it. But now it seems hard to decipher all the elements in the equation. Like i said everything fit, but is that because it designed to do so? Where is the line? Does God really give you that unexplanible feeling that can be acheived, or does that feeling com from the fulfillment of our natural quest to find some higher meaning? With the big brains and critical thinking that seperate us from all other organic we have to find something bigger than us. Are we truely designed in the image of a higher being or are we just some fuckin crazy chain of coincidences that somehow led to our phenomenon of an existence?

I personally have no damn clue. Even as I write this, i have a tendency in the back of my head that makes me feel guilty about even questioning this. And honestly, thats what drives me out of my mind. I don't know if thats because i really beleive, or if its just that ive bee conditioned as i grow up.

Oh well im just a bit dazed from drinking a shitload last night. First time ive done that in quite some time, and its was a lot of fun, but i am feeling a bit off today. anywho, those are just the thoughts.