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My thoughts on this particular day at this particular moment, are out of control. My mind races past me. I can't seem to pull a coherent idea out of my damn brain. Too much to handle. I need a moment of clarity. I'd say the there's a block, but that wouldn't correctly describe what is happening. The caffine that i depend on these mornings seems to have gotten the best of me. I try what i can, but i can't seem to locate the brake pedel. Nothig seems to make sense. With the silence, i only hear echos of the yelling occuring inside my head. Even with the the words on this page, there is no direction. What is good is bad and everything is running in reverse. Nothing is turned around, just the just chaos rewinding through my perception. I feel myself slipping.

I want to grab hold, but everything is out of reach. The work that i have been building up to is crumbling. is it the medication that i need. Everyone out there turns to this simple acheivable asnswer, but i only see weakness. It's more of a breakdown than a helping hand. It's not what i seek but it is what is acceptable. Maybe i am the crazy one, but i see no problem operating with the rest of the hive. I want to fix myself, and truely have control. a certain level of detachment is nessecary, but currently im falling off a cliff without getting closer to water. It could cleanse me.
I continue to fight against myself, searching for the better half. I know its there, but buried deep under the mistakes of my last year in the world. When i get close i stumble and lose sight. It can be done.